Description

Empathy 同理心
台灣的花蓮縣，正經歷著令人難以承受的天災，連續幾天的濕、冷，再加上地震，為人們的身、心，帶來極度的不安穩，威脅到生命最基本的「安全」需求。當我們聽到有人大聲疾呼：發揮同理心、人溺己溺、人飢己飢等訴求時，我們似乎可以感受到正在寒凍中受苦的人，急需我們的關心與幫助。哲學家說：「在烏托邦裡，不存在同理心」，是的，同理心的原意是 to suffer with，不只是理解他人的感覺，而且還要與他人產生連結，經歷他人的傷痛，然後，才有能力給出關懷。在日常生活裡，同理心，簡單地說，就是跟他人一起感受(to feeling with)，與他人產生連結，拉近人與人之間的距離。通常，要同理跟我們親近的人，是比要同理陌生人來的容易，也就是說，我們更容易同理相同性別、類似遭遇，或身處相同環境的人。這樣的相似性，讓我們較容易設身處地站在對方的角度看事情，從對方的角度，來體會對方的感受。人們常說，「設身處地」，就是要透過耐心的陪伴與傾聽，真正聽見、明白他人的處境，瞭解他人的傷痛。
每個人都有同理別人的能力，但是，能否將同理心付諸行動、徹底執行，則取決於幾個面向：我們有多少資源（時間）、對方是誰，陌生人還是家人、朋友，及我們心裡認為的同理心的意義和價值。其實，只要有心，同理很簡單。首先，我們必須放慢步伐，試著與他人靠近，開啟連結；其次，透過陪伴與傾聽，設身處地的感受他人的狀態與情緒；最後，經由適當的語言，與非語言的方式，回饋給對方，讓他人體會到我們的意願與陪伴。
同理心其實並不是一件容易的事，同理心是需要訓練的，它是一種能力。很多人在成長的過程中，並沒有受到這樣的訓練，導致他想要同理別人，也不知道該怎麼做，尤其是小孩子。小孩子一向都是自我中心的，他們都是希望別人配合他，而不可能去配合別人的。然而，我們要如何訓練同理心呢？同理心的本質是「換位思考」，也就是設身處地的為別人著想，把自己放進別人的情境裡，去思考別人可能遭受到的感受。如果我是他，我處在那樣的位置和處境，我會有什麼感覺呢？人性是共通的，我們會有什麼想法，別人也會，思想是相通的。同理，不是同情，人同此心，心同此理，我們同的是道理，而不是情感，所以同情跟同理，是須分開的。當我們站在對方的位置，去體會他，一起感受時，就是同理心的換位。然後，我們要把事情，放在第三者的視角，來發現他人的問題，內心的流程，與事件的結構。我們要用概括性、俯瞰式的角度來瞭解，才能引出對方不但聽得懂，又能找到解套的對談。
In a world of such violence, hatred and brutality as the present one, we are all aware of what is going on in the world: the competition, the ambitions and frustrations, the extraordinary brutality, hatred and violence arising from the conflicts between political parties, and among certain countries. There is an extraordinary amount of cruelty in a world where a small group of people takes charge of millions of others, and directs their lives through tyranny, such as Mainland China, South Korea, Russia and Iran, etc. There is not a matter that we can be lightly dismissed. We need to seek security, and perform certain functions to save the world. Empathy helps us see things from other persons’ perspectives, sympathize with their emotions, and build stronger relationships with others.
Empathy is the ability to see things from others’ perspectives and feel their emotions. Putting ourselves in other persons’ shoes would lead us to act with compassion and improve the situations. Empathy isn’t just about hardships. When our children are excited about something, we feel their joy. When our friends are laughing at jokes, we experience their amusement. Empathy allows us to deepen our relationships as we connect with our friends’ and loved ones’ thoughts and feelings, and they connect with ours, too. Empathy can also extend to people we don’t know as well. If we see someone sitting alone at a party, for example, we might empathize with his/her loneliness and chat with him/her. If we see images of other people suffering on the other side of the world, we might be moved to donate resources to alleviate their suffering. On the other hand, when we see a crowd roaring with joy on TV, we, too, have our high spirits. Their delight becomes our delight.
Nevertheless, unlike empathy, sympathy doesn’t involve sharing what someone else feels. When we’re sympathetic, we care about the person’s problem or misfortune and feel sorry for his/her suffering, but we don’t fully feel his/her pain. Sympathy is more of a feeling of pity for the person, while empathy is more a feeling of compassion for them. In this sense, empathy has an important role to play in our life. First, it can strengthen our bonds with the people we interact with. As we try to understand others, we also make them feel heard and understood. They’re then more likely to take the time to empathize with us as well. Because empathy leads to better relationships, it can be a key component to building a more satisfying life.
Furthermore, empathy can motivate us to take actions that improve the lives of others. These actions might include anything from donating to a charity to encouraging a friend to seek help for alcohol abuse, and to simply comforting someone with a hug. In social situations, empathy can help us decide on the wisest course of action. Once we have a better understanding of someone else’s perspectives, it’s easier to move on to proposing the compromises. On the other hand, if we have low empathy, we might have a lack of patience when dealing with people who are in distress. In this sense, we never seem to have the time to listen to other people’s perspectives or reflect on their emotional states.
Moreover, being empathetic requires us to make ourselves vulnerable. This demands us to reflect on our own emotional states as well as to practice being open with others. When we communicate intense emotions, including shame, jealousy, and grief with others, other people will be more willing to open up to us in return. People are more likely to feel empathy toward people who are similar to them. We don’t necessarily have to agree with every perspective we come across. However, taking the time to simply listen with an open mind can help us see the humanity in people with different backgrounds or views. As we engage with people of different backgrounds, we’ll likely find that many of our earlier notions of them were inaccurate. It’s okay to admit to being wrong. It’s also true that building empathy is a way to expand our social circle and boost our happiness. Empathy really has a ripple effect. As we take the time to truly listen to others, we’re making it easier for them to trust, comfort, and empathize with us and even more people.

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